We could be best friends, you know. But chance brings us together here, where we cannot meet. Crossing the street in different directions, why would we ever meet? There are a dozen other people crossing the street; I don’t meet any of them after all. Crossing a street is like looking over book covers on a shelf – just glancing over; usually all of them bore me. But there was this moment of eye contact between us. As if that one glance of her, uncovered a whole universe inside of me. I had read that book somewhere, sometime before, and now just by seeing the cover, all of it leapt back into my mind. Is everything that is random truly random, or is there some code that drives the universe? What is the chance of that?
The worst part of being a teenager from a middle class family who has one brother, two parents, a pet dog and a group of friends, is invisibility. It’s as if you are everywhere and nowhere at the same time. Sometimes I feel like I like confusion, when everything is too good for too long, my mind automatically starts looking to uproot itself from whatever it was doing and start something new. I am… confused.
Hiding in crowds, blending in, events happening after events without a trail or a pattern.
But in that one instance, it all made sense, just for a split second. And I wanted to latch on to that second for as long as I could, if I had a camera, I would take picture of it and hang it in front of my forehead. If I had a pen and a paper, I would draw it out… but by chance, I didn’t. And even if I did how could I ever draw that feeling out? That moment felt like an eternity, as if my entire 16 years were nothing compared to it.
Sometimes I think I should had turned and gone after her. How different would my life be in that case… to experience eternity all the time? But she was just a chance, like a typhoon. And why do I feel like I had known her forever, even though we had never seen each other before?
The street is empty again. A group of Chinese tourists taking selfies with their 21st century mobiles and thousand year old statues as their background decorations. A pigeon takes off, the sky is dilapidating.
A cat walks on the zebra lines.
A boy tapping his foot extinguishes the cigarette.
A girl runs after a red balloon that’s flying away.
A pair of lights soars at me, getting bigger and brighter from my left –
Oh fuck. I forgot to cross.